To cum, or not to cum?

Are you ready for the absolute most mind-blowing orgasm you will ever have? Perhaps I should rephrase that….

‘Are you ready for the absolute most mind blowing orgasm you MIGHT have…’ because you see guys, whether you cum or not will be entirely at Master’s discretion.

SeriousKit penis milking is all about edging. FOREVER. You, restrained in a sling suspended from my bondage bed, me twirling the knobs & valves that control what’s almost universally recognised as the World’s finest penis milking machine. It’s the ULTIMATE TIE & TEASE session and it’s AVAILABLE NOW in the North East from Geeze, aka the Tees Valley Master. Not to be confused with prostate milking, that’s something different entirely, however the two can be combined, if, and it’s a BIG if, you can handle it. I took delivery on August 1st, & the past couple of months I’ve spent trialling & tweaking in order to deliver the best possible experience to clients, most of whom are bi or gay submissives.

Only around 30 of these machines are operating in the UK public domain. I was told that by the manufacturer himself & he’s been churning them out for 25+ years. Most units go to Continental Europe (especially Germany) & US users… markets that demand QUALITY. It seems there’s no shortage of customers either, with his factory stacked to overflowing with components, heavy manufacturing machinery, and finished product.

SeriousKit penis milking machine in Northeast England BDSM playroom owned by Tees Valley Master aka fun50geeze
SeriousKit penis milking machine hooked up to a gay submissive in a BDSM playroom, Northeast England

I’ve been researching these things for some time. Google the subject and you’ll find all kinds of ‘Top 20 Best Milking Machines for Men’ type articles written by sex toy bloggers, alpha males most of ’em. SeriousKit isn’t even mentioned by most of these characters, how so? Well for 1) the company doesn’t go out of its way to advertise, it has all the work it can handle, mostly from word of mouth across the COMMITTED KINK/FET COMMUNITY, so (2) it has no need to give product away for FREE to lightweight reviewers, and 3) SeriousKit milker is well established & perceived as the ‘Rolls Royce’ of adult pleasure products amongst its peers. Consequently it’s well above the average sex blagger’s [sic] pay grade. SeriousKit penis milking machine has its origins in the the iconic American ‘Surge Milker’, common on farms across the Midwest;  The company customised it, combining precision engineering and state of the art vacuum and electro-stimulation technology to create a product capable of delivering exquisite levels of pleasure. It definitely ain’t cheap, with the base unit running well into four figures £££s sterling. I refer to it as ‘base unit’ because once you’ve got the SeriousKit suction device, it connects to a vast range of attachments & devices. These include specialist SPT’s (suction penis tubes), plugs, harnesses, suckers, even full electro stim rubber vacuum suits, each one carefully designed & created to induce Sensory Overload.

Dungeon playroom sessions could vary from me simply using an SPT on you hands free through to eventually…complex bondage sessions with multiple devices all working together – such as testicle tubes, an SPT and nipple cylinders – all with pulsating suction and, if desired, electro stim. The electro aspect is of particular interest to me as a BDSM Master in County Durham. Why? Because for years I’ve promoted electrostimulation as one of THE BEST ways to induce some of the most intense and pleasurable sexual experiences on the planet. Personally, I think if you’re wanting estim from a service provider ie an escort or dom(me) you’re best off going with some-one who has first hand experience of the units and how they feel on themselves. Few women, least of all dommes ever ‘self play/pleasure themselves’ with estim.  Us men? Well, once we’ve tried it, most of us can’t get enough of it. Electrodes are designed for all genders, however, the overwhelming majority are male orientated, to fit a cock, stimulate the P-spot, or even full body. Even the most basic 4mm loops, secured at the base and the bell end of a penis, are capable of delivering hands free orgasms, usually after an hour or more of ‘bringing to the brink’. A typical session starts with either pads, or loops, and can progress to full-on prostate massage via an anal plug + cock loop, so the current is effectively bridging the prostate. The SeriousKit team recognised early on the potential (ha!) of combining electrics with suction, rubber, and fluids. Kitting out my playroom with their full range would require an investment exceeding 10k… a ton of money, but hey, I’ve  got the milker at least, stay tuned for updates as I add more of the range. Next on the ‘to buy’ list are their electro lined and multi-ring tubes. Eventually I’m going for the full rubber electro suits, intended for full day sessions, hard core gay & bi subs take note.

Don’t compare SeriousKit to the portable masturbators some of which are connected to apps that are currently FLOODING the market! They appeal to lovers of virtual sex.. the ‘StaySafe’ brigade who would rather not risk communicating with anyone directly let alone meeting another for sexual services! This is SeriousKit for serious people, it’s industrial strength, and more to the point it’s under Master’s independent control, not your control….the epitome of TRUST and the foundation of all things BDSM. It will be for ME to guide and to decide, whether to grant you permission to ‘let go’ or ‘abstain’, or even ruin your orgasm for that matter. And that’s not all…

A corner of SeriousKit’s UK production facility
Electro lined suction tubes for SeriousKit penis milking machine in Northeast England
Some of SeriousKit’s penis milking machine suction tubes

The soft silicone sleeves within the SPT’s can be compared in terms of ‘feel’ to a mouth, vagina, or ass & are VERY realistic. With the full length of your dick inside the tube and the machine powered up, it will wrap tightly around the shaft and head to form a vacuum. SeriousKit penis milking machine works on hard or flaccid members, even those suffering from ED, so it’s well capable of forcing you to cum, multiple times. And do you wanna know the best bit? Using a male milking machine features the most pleasurable sensations anybody with a penis can possibly experience, akin to the most skilled & prolonged blow job. In fact, so intense are the feelings, many men produce 3-4 times more semen per ejaculation compared to normal masturbation. WOW, WOW and WOW again.

So don’t delay. Call me at your earliest convenience to book an appointment. Sessions are scheduled for a minimum of an hour and a half and enhanced rates apply. Why? Because it takes time to set up and uses approximately 5 litres of specialized lube per session which needs to be prepared the day before; finally the whole system has to be flushed after use with Chemgene (tested underEN1276, 13727, 13624, 13679, 1650, 14348, 13610, 14476 to be effective against bacteria, yeast, mycobacteria, viruses, HepB, Herpes & HIV). You’ll be in safe(ish) hands heehee. So what are you waiting for? My phone’s on for the purposes of booking 7AM thru to around 7PM weekdays, seven days a week, 364 days a year.

To conclude, I’ll sign off with this, one of my fave quotes, ‘you’ve got to ask yourself one question: “Do I feel lucky?”
“Well, do ya, punk?” [Clint Eastwood]

SeriousKit™ for SeriousPlayers!